Shouldn't have let you go
by FINDtheHufflepuffs
Summary: "She looked down and there, mocking her from her right hand was the ring. Clare had often looked at it with joy and excitement, but today it filled her with disgust." Clare's getting married, but something's not right.
1. More Wrong

**AN: I got this idea from someone's summary. I really liked the idea, but was a bit disappointed with the way it was executed. So I wrote my own version. I apologize in advance for the grammar mistakes I missed. I hope you enjoy**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**

"You got this, you can do it" Clare repeatedly said to herself while pacing in the back room. "Everyone's out there waiting, you can do this, you l-love him." _I love him right?_ Clare thought to herself. _Of course, I love him, that's why I marrying him._ Clare stopped her pacing and looked in the mirror that stood toward the door. The door that led to the rest of the church. The door that led to the rest of forever.

Clare stood there for a while, just to examine herself. Her classic floor length dress didn't give her the same smile it used to; it only made her more frustrated. She looked down to her gloved hand, and there, mocking her from her right hand was the ring. Clare had often looked at it with joy and excitement, but today it filled her with disgust. _Why am I feeling this way? What's wrong with me? Maybe this is guilt. But why would I feel guilty. He already knows, and he still says he'll marry me._

Just then Darcy, Clare older sister, came in. "Hey, Clare-bear," Darcy addressed her sister with the childhood nickname she gave her, "What's keeping you? Your hubby-to-be is out there waiting." But Clare didn't answer; she was too caught up in her thoughts, looking at her sister's Maid of Honor dress. It was a traditional green dress, the same green used on all the decorations. _The same green as his eyes_. "Hello? Anyone there?" Darcy asked waving her hands in front of Clare's face. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Clare finally came out of her trance and looked up at her sister. "What? Oh yea, I'm fine, really. Just- wedding jitters." Darcy didn't seem to hear the falsity in Clare's voice, so she continued.

"Oh, I've been there. But believe me, it'll all go away the moment you see him standing at that altar." _If I make it to the altar- What am I thinking, of course I'll make it to the altar- What a horrible thing to think._ Clare fought with herself for a good couple minutes, her sister's constant blabber in the back of her head.

"….and you guys are perfect for each other, so there is nothing to worry about." Darcy said. And just like that Clare had her answer. It was like a spark ignited within her, she knew what she wanted.

"I'm sorry, Darcy, but you couldn't be more wrong" Darcy looked up from the mirror where she was just fixing her hair, giving her sister a questioning look. "Where is he?" Clare asked before Darcy had time to utter a word, determination and excitement twinkling in her eye.

"At the altar of course, but I don't-" But Clare didn't hear her; she was already out the door. Clare ran into the hall passing many people all gasping as she bolted passed them. She opened the church doors. Everyone in the cathedral, including the children, seized talking. But only for a second, when that second was over a buzz of whispers began. Clare wasted no time looking at them, or caring what they said. She dashed down the isle. The band began playing, in fear they missed their queue, but someone quickly stopped them. Clare was thankful, but couldn't be bothered to look over to see who it was. She kept her eyes fixed on the groom. He stood next to his best man wringing his hands. He locked eyes with Clare and knew something was wrong. He started towards her.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked her. But she didn't respond. Instead she tore off her ring and placed it in his hand. She then kissed his cheek, and whispered in his ear. "I hope you find what you're looking for." Without another look she picked up her dress and charged out the door, with tears down her cheeks, a smile on her lips, and memories dancing in her head.

Eli was sulking. Full out sulking. He hadn't sulked like this since he was in high school. His one and only love, Clare Edwards, was getting married today. And it wasn't to him.

Eli was enjoying, if he could enjoy anything at a time like this, the solitude and darkness of his room when he heard knocking at that door. He didn't answer. "Baby boy," came his mother's voice, "I know you're in there. Your roommate let me in on his way out. I just- I just want to make sure you're alright. Could you give me a noise of recognition?" Eli grunted.

"Okay, good. Now Eli, I got you some food. It's out here on the counter. I have to go, but I'll come back later if you want me to." When Eli didn't answer she tried again. "Do you want me to?" Still no answer. "Okay, well baby boy, call me if you need me."

Cece waited a few moments, hoping to hear something from her son, but eventually gave up. She left his apartment, got in her car, and drove away.

Eli on the other hand, was inside bundled up in his covers, drowning in self-misery. _Come on Eli, she doesn't love you anymore._ _If she did she wouldn't be out marrying some other guy._ Eli just replaying his memories of her, as if it were song set on loop. He thought of the first time they met, their first real kiss, and sadly the day it all ended. The day he let her slip out of his hands.

**AN: So what'd you think? Any ideas of what could happen next? REVIEW PLEASE! **


	2. The Fight

**AN: Thanks to all that reviewed and favorited. Here's the second chapter. It's a flash back for the record. Please review, I know its annoying, but how will I know how much you like it (or hate it for that matter) Hope you enjoy!**

It had all begun with that fight years ago. Thinking back they both realized the fight was pointless, but at the time, it really seemed like the end. They were used to fighting at this point, it was as frequent as breathing. They would argue about everything and anything. He'd tell her to loosen up, and she'd tell him to take charge. So, yes, they were used to fighting, but not like this.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Clare yelled across their tiny kitchen, of their even tinier (if that's possible) apartment. Eli stood on the other side with his arms crossed, his face giving no hint as to how frustrated he really was.

"Exactly how it sounds. Your not fun anymore, Clare. You used to take time off, hang around, and be a kid! You don't understand-" Eli started but was cut off by Clare.

"_I_ don't understand? How dare you, tell me what I do and don't know. And just a tip Eli, were not kids. We are adults with mortgages, depts. and underpaying jobs! We need to make more money if we're going to keep our house! And do you know how you make more money? You work harder! That's how you get more money! God, Eli, are you getting any of this? We're broke, with nowhere to turn and your telling me to 'loosen up' as if it's simple. You have no idea how hard I work to keep the repo-men at bay. You couldn't possible begin to sympathize with what I've put up with, the things I've done for us, how late I work every night-"

"Oh so you're a hooker now? I see why you're so agitated; I'm here tying you down! Well don't let me hold you back, I'll go if you want me to and then you'll be out and selling in no time!" Eli interrupted sarcastically.

"Hooker? How did you get 'hooker' from what I said? And would you please wipe that smug look off your face, because I don't find this at all funny." Clare was furious.

"I was joking Clare, trying to lighten the mood." Eli said equally as enraged.

Clare began to laugh now, the anger never leaving her voice. "See that's the problem with you, you don't know when to stop! Can't you see this is not a time for jokes? We're falling apart! We're fighting, everyday, with no end. Just like my parents." And just like that Clare's bitter laugh turned to tears. She sat there at the counter, her head in her hands.

Eli became lost; he didn't know what to do. He hated seeing her cry, and he wanted to go to her, but his anger from her words kept him still. He finally swallowed his pride, and reached out to comfort her, to beg for forgiveness. But just as he opened his mouth, she looked up.

"I think we're over." She said wiping her eyes. "I can't keep doing this, we can't keep fighting. I can't take it anymore." Eli didn't know what to say. He knew this was coming, but despite the inevitability of it, Eli couldn't bare the thought of losing her. They were meant for each other, they would get through this. He wouldn't leave her, even if he had to yell, scream or kick. _But isn't that what's pushing us apart. _He thought to himself. He knew she was right. There was no choice, if there were even a chance for them; he had to let her go. So he did. Within three days, Clare and all her stuff were gone. Eli still remembers looking around the empty apartment and thinking, "_what have I done?" _

**AN: READ AND REVIEW!**


	3. Engagement

**AN: Thank you so much for reviewing, and if you didn't, then PLEASE REVIEW Clare and her fiancé, from chapter one. I wasn't sure what to name him, but I think James fits him well enough. **

"Ms. Edwards, your boyfriend is on line two" said the secretary.

"Thanks Dana." Clare said as she switched lines.

"Hey babe, what's up?"

"Oh nothing much, just wondering what time you finish work?" James replied. Clare could even hear the smile in his voice.

"5, why? What are you planning?" She asked with amusement.

"Just a special dinner; you me, and Le Alimentaire."

"Le Alimentaire? How prestigious! You sure you want to go to such a snooty restaurant?" Clare laughed.

"Yes, well, as snotty as it is, it is also very nice. I thought we deserve something nice." He said honestly.

"Okay, so I'll meet you back at the apartment at 5:30ish?"

"Yea sure, see you then." Smiling, Clare hung up the phone. There was something about today that seemed special. Clare just felt like something good was coming.

At 5:30 exactly, Clare walked in her apartment door. She placed her keys on the smooth wooden coffee table that sat on the wall next to the door; Clare immediately went to the couch and plopped down, closing her eyes for a brief nap. She hadn't been lying there long when James came in the door. He put his things next to her keys, and leaned over the couch. He kissed Clare's forehead, and she rolled over. He laughed. "Come on babe, our reservations are for 6:45, and it's a pretty fancy place, we should probably not be late." Clare gave one last groan, and reluctantly rolled off the couch to jump in the shower. When she was done, she dried her hair and put on a simple black dress, with pearl drop earrings. She put on her heals, and went to the foyer, where the man of the hour stood waiting for her.

"You look amazing," James said as he pulled her into an embrace and kissed her neck. Clare giggled.

"Come on, we'll be late." Clare said and headed out the door.

With a mixture of music from the radio and basic chatter on each other's day, the car seemed lively for two people. They were in between exchanges; Clare was tuning the radio looking for a good song. She stopped on one station that sounded promising. The voices were just finishing their conversation, and a new song could be heard in the back. Clare's face went pale and she immediately turned the dial when she realized what song it was.

"What? Don't like that song?" James said still bobbing his head to the screaming rock that was just playing. _Not anymore_ Clare thought. _No, I will not think about him, I'm with James now, who needs_ him_ anymore?_

__"Babe? Clare?" the concern in James voice brought Clare to.

"Sorry, lost in thought." Clare pushed him to the back of her mind, and there, she hoped, he would stay for the rest of the night.

"Are you done?" Said the waiter, pointing to their plates. James and Clare both mutter yes, and hand the man their plates. Clare, feeling James' gaze on her, turns to him with a smile.

"Clare, Can I ask you something?" James asked nervously.

"Anything." Clare said reaching across the table, rubbing his arm comfortingly. James held his breath.

"Youlovemeright?" he mumbled.

"What?" Clare laughed. James took a deep breath and tried again.

"You love me, right?"

"Of course, baby," Clare said taken back.

"Then why aren't we married?" James could see the shock on her face, so he continued. "Money's not the issue, we've been together long enough, we love each other. So what's keeping us?"

"What are you saying?" she barely whispered.

"I'm asking," He got out of his chair and went to her on one knee, "Clare Diana Edwards, will you marry me?" The entire restaurant was looking, not that Clare would notice. She just sat there staring at the ring. It was extravagant with its gold band and the many large diamonds, but that's not what stunned Clare. She was confused. She should have screamed yes by now, but the words wouldn't come. A lump was stuck in her throat.

"Honey?" James said worrily.

"I-" Clare hesitated a moment longer, but then swallowed the idea that held her from happiness. "Yes!" She cried. James jumped up to hug and kisses her, tears in their eyes. The entire restaurant explodes into applause. James slips on her ring, and the both can't help but smile.

**AN: Please REVIEW! As writers you should know how frustrating it is when you have so little reviews.**


	4. Awkward Reunion

**AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Here's the next chapter:**

**Ps. Disclaimer: I don't own Clare, Eli, Degrassi in general, Starbucks...Disneyworld, and a majority of life's true wonders**

Every day, before work Clare would head into Starbucks for her morning coffee. She'd usually wait on a surprisingly short line and Taylor, the latte boy and manager, would have her coffee made and ready to go. Taylor had been very friendly to Clare in that way, and so she owed him.

So on that day when the place was shockingly busy, Taylor asked her to help him, and Clare couldn't refuse.

"Could you bring this coffee over to that guy over there, I don't think he can hear me call his name and I'm swamped."

"Sure, no problem" Clare wasn't really in a rush that day, since she didn't have to go into work.

"You're a saint" he called after her. Clare walked toward the table Taylor pointed at. The man sitting there hadn't looked up until Clare, who was too busy reading the label of the coffee to acknowledge the man, started talking.

"Taylor sends his sincere apologies but here is-"

"Clare?" At her name, Clare looked up. She finally recognized the man at the table. She wasn't sure how to feel. At the moment they both seemed a bit too shocked to run into each other.

"Eli?"

* * *

><p>Clare ended up joining him at the table, where at first it was very awkward, but as the realization started to seep in they both began to relax.<p>

"It's been-" Clare started

"Too long." Eli finished. "What have you been up to? Any books published yet?" Eli asked comfortably. Clare blushed at the idea of her childhood dream. She had always wished to be a writer. Write stories and books and novels. But as Clare grew up and her heart was crushed, so were her dreams.

"Oh no, I'm in marketing now" Clare said embarrassed. Eli responded with a small Oh, his smile diminished.

"Well what about you? What do you do?" Clare attempted after a long pause.

"I work with bands, I'm the manager's assistant," Eli said proudly. After another long pause, Eli began laughing.

"What?" Clare said, very pleased to hear his laugh.

"Nothing." He waved her off, but when she gave him a look he continued. "Do you remember your 18th birthday, how Adam and I threw you a surprise party, and we all attacked you with water balloons-"

"Filled with paint, and how the teachers were so mad at you for holding it on school grounds." Clare laughed. "It took us weeks to clean it up!" The two continued on with memories of the past laughing so loudly that majority of the public in the coffee shop look over at them. One lady even shushed them and as they tried to muffle the sound, it only ended up getting louder.

Eventually their snickers dwindle and Clare unconsciously plays with her ring, twirling it and fettling with it. Eli stopped laughing all together, and his smile dropped to a frown. The room seemed to grow silent as Clare realized what he's glaring at.

"His name's James." Clare uneasily answered his silent question. At first Eli didn't respond in any way. He sat immobile, and mute. Eyes stuck on the giant diamond on her ring finger. But Clare didn't bother explaining; frankly she didn't have anything to say. So they sat there in silence.

"Do you love him?" he finally questioned. This took Clare by surprise. She hadn't been asked this before. Everyone tells her how happy she looks with him, but happy doesn't have to go hand-in-hand with love. Clare began to panic at the fact that it was taking her so long to think of the answer. So she rushed and decided not to think about it now.

"Yes." Eli looked at her for a good couple of minutes. It made Clare self-conscious, like she was being examined. She fumbled with her hands, not meeting his watchful eyes.

"Okay." He said in monotone, but he continued to stare. Searching her face for something.

It became too much for Clare. Grabbing her coffee and phone, she stood up, and Eli followed her.

"Um, well, I have to go, but it was great seeing you again."

"Yea, we should get together sometime, you know, to catch up," Eli said, disappointment in his voice. Clare just nodded as she turned to head out the door.

* * *

><p>Eli watched her leave, each step like a prick to his heart. Once she was out of sight, Eli sat back down sighing heavily.<p>

"Taylor, I'm gonna need a refill." Eli called. Now, seeing as the place was less crowded, Taylor had time to spare and approached Eli with a refill all ready.

"I didn't know you knew Saint Clare," Taylor said amused. Eli was taken back by the fact that Taylor knew her high school nickname, but didn't comment on it.

"We went to school together, we used to, uh, date." Eli said bitterly

"Uh oh," Taylor said.

**AN: Please read and review, because you can only favorite a story not the chapter...**


	5. Bad Day

**AN: WARNING-this chapter is terribly edited. The Grammar is atrocious and it is very wordy. I tried editing, but it didn't really help. I'll try to do better next time. (DISCLAIMER: I do not own Degrassi, Eli, Clare or any other awesome things like that)**

Clare angrily fumbled around with her chain, searching for her key. When she finally found it and heard the lock click, she rushed inside and slammed the door behind her. Muttering to herself about her infuriating boss, the loads of work she had to do and anything else she could come up with, she put down the many bags she was carrying. It was safe to say, Clare was having a bad day.

"Oh no, what is it this time?" James' whine could be heard from the kitchen, where Clare was now scowling at the food in their refrigerator.

"Nothing." Clare said taking a deep breath. "It's nothing. Just a rough day at work is all." James didn't respond so Clare just kept going. "Everything's fine though." She tried one last time.

"Okay." He answered. Clare was a bit disappointed but didn't want to dwell on it.

She finally settled on some seltzer and poured herself a glass. She took it to the living room where she sat on the couch and examined the enormous apartment that was unsurprisingly clean. _The cleaning lady was in today_, Clare thought to herself, _James is probably going to want to check the safe again. If he doesn't trust her, why hire her? _Another thing she didn't want to draw out. She tried James again.

"So I'm really excited to go to Morton's tonight, I think we really could use an evening to ourselves. I think that last time we went out was when we got enga-" Just then James came out of the bedroom, buttoning the cuffs on his suit. He looked at her sheepishly. "You forgot?" Clare asked trying not to show him how upset she was. "Of course not babe! I tried calling you at work to tell you, but my phone died. The guys at the firm needed me to go in tonight. I'm so sorry!" He said in his most sincere voice.

"Oh, that's okay. Its fine, really." Clare said, still a bit dejected. He watched her for another second. "Really!" she said, trying her best not to sound bothered. He bought it apparently because he then bent over and kissed her cheek.

"Love you" he said as he rushed out the door. He didn't look back as the door closed behind him.

"Love you too," she called.

Several hours, and terrible happenings later, a very angry Claretightened her jacket around her as another fall wind gave her chills. Clare walked (more like stomped) through the city, heading to the Panera Bread that was a couple blocks away from her apartment suite. She rounded the corner. Seeing the sign up ahead put a spring in her step. She was about to thank a man who seemed to be holding the door open for everyone, but he apparently didn't see her and let the door close.

Clare, who started to open the door for herself, ended up holding it open for a truckload of people. She kept trying to jump in, but there seemed to be thousands trying to enter the building, She finally got in, took a deep breath and marveled at the delicious smell for a moment.

That moment, however quickly ended when Clare realized how crowded the place was. The line seemed to go on forever, and the almost all of the tables were full. Clare took a couple more deep breaths and stepped on line to wait her turn. She was almost at the counter, when this jerk cut the line a couple of people in front of her. Clare continued her deep breathing and restrained herself from calling the man out. Who knows, maybe he was having a worse day then her.

Once she was finally at the counter and placed her order, Clare seemed to have calmed down a bit. She got her number and turned to go find a seat. When she found a good one right up front, she thought her luck had begun to change, but was proven wrong when someone walking by spilled their hot soup on her.

The lady seemed to be apologizing; it was hard to tell with her thick accent. An employee showed up with napkins for Clare, and another soup for the lady. Clare, having gotten as much soup as she could off her shirt, took her seat and put her head on the table.

"Aww, why the long face?" A familiar voice asked. Clare looked up to see Eli joining her at the table, as if it wasn't a coincidence meeting her there, which it was. Clare didn't really know how to respond, she played along.

"Its been a long day." She said.

"Well tell me about it." He replied. Clare was taken back for a moment, at how comfortable he appeared to be. She hesitated for a second, but that second was quickly over.

"Okay, well at work today, my boss was being a total ass, giving me so much work to do today, and giving the promotion to some other chick, whom I suspect is sleeping with him. My mom called to tell me Darcy's dog died, and I have to arrange a funeral for it. I didn't even know my sister _had _a dog, and now I'm suppose to throw it a funeral? Also, My fiancée had to go into work tonight and canceled on our date to a restaurant I've really wanted to go to. I stepped in gum on the way here, some guy just cut me in line, and a lady spilled her clam chowder on me!" Clare started. Just then a man came over calling her number, but when he gave it to her she frowned. The man left and Clare just continued to stare at the grilled cheese. "And this is not what I ordered!" She finished.

She let out an exasperated groan. She finally looked at Eli and saw that he was laughing.

"What?" she asked a smile pulling on her lips, as she realized how much she missed his laugh. "What are you laughing at?" she started laughing too.

"You" he said between fits of laughter. "Your so funny" he replied.

"How am I funny?" she inquired.

"You just are," he said, their laughs getting louder. This attracted attention and weird looks from people at near by tables. One table even shushed them, and Clare and Eli had to muffle their voices, which only made them laugh louder. Eventually they stopped laughing. Clare looked back down at her food. She still frowned at it.

"Here," Eli pushed his BLT towards her "switch with me."

"But you hate grilled cheese," Clare said confused.

"Yes, but you love Bacon" Eli insisted. He then switched the plates, before Clare could even argue. Clare was shocked at his selfless gesture. _James would never-_ Clare thought, but stopped herself.

"Thank you."

"Anytime Blue Eyes."

**AN: Thanks for reading! And thanks to all that reviewed! Please guys, please review…how else am I to know if you like my writing…or don't. Don't is fine too, so long as you tell me why (nicely please)**


	6. Laughs and Screams

**AN: Fourteen more days! Can't wait for the Degrassi!**

"How does that even happen? How do you 'accidently' knock over an entire counter top of test tubes filled with supposedly dangerous chemicals onto someone's lap?" Eli laughed. The blue-eyed beauty that was walking next to him, swatted his arm

"Don't make fun! You know I'm a klutz. Besides Brian was fine after they hosed him down." Clare tried to justify herself, but it only made her burst into fits of even louder giggles.

Clare and Eli just finished having lunch, like they have been doing everyday since their meeting at Panera Bread, and Eli was now walking Clare back to work since he had the day off. They spent the entire walk laughing and talking, never a single silent moment. Just the way they liked it. Clare had missed Eli more then she would ever admit and Eli was the same. They both were too stubborn to admit they need each other. A bit too stubborn and a bit too broken.

They were still broken over their fight that left unmended scars, stained cheeks, and shattered hearts. But for now, neither would think about that. For now, they were both just enjoying each other's much needed company.

They reached Clare's office building. Clare glared at the building that was taking her away from Eli.

"Well off to work with you now. Go on," Eli playfully steered her to the front door.

"Eli," Clare quickly turned around, a serious look in her eyes. "Eli, I want to thank you, for everything. I don't know how I managed a day without you."

Eli saw the hurt and fear in Clare's eyes, and despite being extremely confused, he pulled her into an embrace without a second's thought. Clare relaxed at his touch. His arms around her perfectly, her head right under his chin as if they were molded for one another. Clare breathed in his scent, all her memories of him rushing back. The time they had their first real kiss back in High School. The time he carried her dorm room from the park cause she hurt her ankle. The time Eli was sick with the flu and Clare took the week off to take care of him. Clare could have stayed like this forever.

Just then somebody let out big obvious cough that was clearly to get someone's attention. Clare broke out of her trance and looked up to find James glaring at Eli. Clare quickly took her hands off Eli and fixed her jacket, which wasn't at all messed up.

"Hi sweetie. You remember Eli, my old friend from High School I've been telling you about." Clare nervously said trying to smooth things over.

"I don't recall you ever mentioning an Eli, when was this?" James said still glaring at Eli.

"I did. Several times." Clare said irritably. Not only had she told him countless stories over dinner, but she had also mentioned this morning over breakfast that she was going to see Eli today.

James didn't argue any further. He just glared Eli down. Eli on the other hand, played the innocent act.

"Nice to meet you." He stuck his hand out. To his surprise Jake shook his hand being sure to give it a hard squeeze, trying to seem threatening. It didn't really affect Eli.

"Wish I could say the same." James said through clenched teeth. "Well, we best be going. We have a hot date planned later." He then kissed Clare with superfluous lust. Clare pushed him away quickly. She was still at a loss for words, appalled at James's behavior.

He put his arm around her waist a bit too forcefully, and winked at Eli. He started walking towards the building doors, pulling Clare with him. Clare looked over her shoulder at Eli to see he was scowling.

"Sorry" she mouthed. James tightened his arm around her for a second as he whispered to himself. "Pric."

Vexed, Clare slipped out of his grasp and walked in front of him, not bothering to keep the door open for him. He obviously noticed her cold shoulder and tried to keep up.

"Woah babe, slow down." He said. She didn't speak until the elevator doors shut.

"What was that back there?" she fumed. "I introduce you to a old friend and you act like a complete jerk!"

"There's just something about him, I don't like him." He stated.

"You don't have to like him, but you do have to act like a decent human being!" James then grabbed Clare's hips, something he knows she loves, but she shoves him off. "Don't. I'm not in the mood." There was a long silence as the elevator slowly made its way to the 12th floor. James jumped when Clare finally spoke again.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway? Why are you at my office building?"

"I was gonna surprise you. I thought," he started, but then thought better of it.

"You thought what?" Clare yelled.

"Nothing."

"You thought nothing! Oh great so you come to my office building, act like a complete asshole in front of a close friend of mine because you thought nothing! Well that's so sweet of you, thanks so much" Clare ridiculed.

"I thought, we could," he took another pause again, knowing it would just piss her off even more, "You know,"

Then it clicked. Clare gasped. "You thought we would-that we were going to- in my office?" Clare yelled. "What in the right mind would make you think we would do that! You know I'm not going to until we're married right? We've been over this! Why would you think today would be any different?"

"I don't know, I just-"

"Didn't think?"

"Yes! I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking! I was a total idiot, I'm sorry! I can't control myself, I love you! I just want to be with you"

She didn't say anything. She just stood there, arms crossed staring at the elevator doors. They finally opened. She stepped out and called over her shoulder. "I'll see you at home."

**AN: I wasn't sure if that was clear; let me know what you thought! (PS. Happy Fourth of July!)**


	7. Pickles and Bars

**AN: Hey, sorry to those who have been waiting for this chapter. I was extremely busy all summer on vacation, but I guess its better late then never or any other cliché you could think to put in there. Enjoy**

****Just A Little Warning:** **

** There are some harsh words in here, I wasn't exactly sure if they would fit in my rating so I'm making a warning about this chapter alone.**

"WHY NOT? Why the hell can't we have sex until were married! Is it cause you don't trust me? Am I such a bad guy that you think I'll leave you!" James yelled standing up from the couch where he and Clare were just attempting a calm discussion of all their issues.

"Because its part of my faith! I made a promise years ago, to stay abstinent till my wedding night and no matter how much I want to break that promise, I refuse to. You know it's not a matter of trust anymore. I love you! I trust you! But I won't break a promise, and I don't like that you're asking me to!" Clare yelled after him.

"Just admit it, you don't trust me!" James insisted

"Oh you're one to talk about trust, James!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"When I introduced you to Eli, you turned it into this showdown, like it was a fight to keep me! Like you didn't trust that Eli and I were just friends."

"Oh come on! You mean to tell me, there are no feelings between you two!"

"No! There aren't!" Clare said, unaware of the lie she just told.

"Your so stupid, Clare! I see the way he looks at you! That man is completely in love with you and you expect me to believe you don't feel the same?"

"No, I don't. I love you!" Clare whispered. Tears started to burn her eyes, but she tried to hold them back.

"Yeah right." James said as he turned his back to her. He grabbed his car keys and slammed the door behind him.

****Eclare***

Clare got out of the car, wiped her tearful eyes, and walked up the pathway to the front door. She rang the doorbell and immediately Alli whipped open the door and engulfed Clare in an uncomfortable hug. Uncomfortable, because of the huge swollen belly separating the two friends.

"Wow your getting so big!" Clare laughed between sniffles.

"I know, this ones due any day now," Alli said pulling Clare inside and shutting the door behind her.

"And where is little Annie?" Clare asked, trying to keep the subject away from herself.

"Annette is out with her life-saving father, who said I needed a day off. Which means bad news for you, no distractions. Go on, tell me what happened." Alli waddled over to the couch.

"James and I," Clare hesitated, "We, we had a fight today."

"That's it?" Alli said unfazed. Clare gave her a look, and she tried again. "Well, I mean, what was the fight about?"

"He thinks I wont sleep with him because I don't trust him." Clare let a couple tears shed as Alli gasped.

"What an doodyhead." Alli immediately responded. Clare laughed at the change she started to see in her friend. Alli had always been a wild, now-or-never, scandalous, perky, boy-crazed girl who could always be found at a party. Now, she was a grounded, loving, appropriate mother who seemed to keep herself on a leash, only letting herself off said leash when she knew everything around her was under control.

Clare, who was still laughing, tried to gain back her composure, but failed epically.

"What? I spend my time watching kids shows! I haven't really had the need for swear words in a while, I guess I'm a bit rusty" Alli joked, trying to keep her friend from going back to the sobbing, and frankly pathetic, girl she opened the door to. Clare, in a fit of laughter, thrust her head back, which inevitably resulted in a bang. "Oww" Clare said, now laughing even harder. She laughed so hard tears formed at the edge of her eyes.

"See, that's the Clare I know." Alli said smiling. "There is the Clare we all love." At the mention of the 'L' word, Clare's smile faltered. She fixed her shirt, a nervous tick she was developing. She sat up a bit more straight and tried to put her smile back on, but just made things more awkward.

"Oh no. Oh, no no no." Alli said unable to miss the obvious change in atmosphere. "There's something your not telling me, there is something more then this stupid 'trust' thing, isn't there?" Clare was shocked at how well, after all these years, Alli could still read her.

"What do you mean?" Clare attempted, but Alli wouldn't buy it.

"Don't, don't even try Hun, Spill. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, it's just something he said." Clare tried to brush it off. It was silent for a second and when Clare turned to look at the pregnant woman beside her, she realized Alli was giving her a glare.

"Alright! Alright fine, I'll tell you! He said- that- Eli was still in love with me, and I am still in love with him." Clare barely whispered, yet Alli heard perfectly

"Oh," Was Alli's first reaction. Clare could practically hear the upcoming question roll off Alli's tongue "Do you?" Clare became angry. She was irritated at her friend, for having to ask such a ridiculous question. And even more irritated with herself, for not knowing the answer.

"I-I'm marrying James!" Clare said quickly.

"The sky is blue, and I'm craving pickles and peanut butter." This received Alli and perplexed look from Clare. "I'm sorry I thought we were just stating irrelevant facts."

"Peanut Butter on pickles?" Clare laughed. Alli picked up the pillow sitting next to her and struck Clare's arm with it.

"You haven't answered my question! Do you love Eli?" Alli asked seriously.

"I-" Clare hesitated, which resulted with her friend hitting her in the head. The hit immediately sparked a new aggravation in Clare.

"I DON'T KNOW! I don't know okay? I don't know if I love him or not! Its all too confusing!" She yelled. This seemed to satisfy Alli, because the woman put down the pillow she was holding in preparation. "There's just something about Eli, he gets me. He always there when I need him, even if I don't know I need him. He-" She tried to find more words, but nothing could ever perfectly describe him. "He's just, Eli." It was silent. Clare didn't look up from where her gaze was fixed on the coffee table. Alli caressed her own stomach, while searching Clare's face, concerned for her this woman who was like a sister to her.

"So what now?" Alli broke the silence. Clare took a deep breath.

"We get you those pickles"

****Eclare*****

_"Hey this is James, I'm not here right now, leave a message and I'll get back to you later" BEEEP_

"Ugh!" Clare grunted and hung up the phone. Just then the stoplight turned green, and Clare took her foot off the break. This was the fifth phone call, and he still wasn't answering. Clare decided to give it a rest, and turned her radio on. Secrets by One Republic shook the car. Clare came to another stoplight and closed her eyes for a second, letting the music sink in. A smile almost crept on her lips as she took deep breaths, relaxing herself. Clare, for a split second, felt at peace. But that peace was then shattered by a loud honk coming from the car behind her. Clare's eyes snapped open, her heart racing, and realizing the light was green. The car began moving again. Clare needed to get away from her thoughts for a while. She needed not to think about James, or Eli, or anything for that matter. So she took a right at the next corner, and stopped in front of what she heard was one of the best bars in the city.

After countless hours of guzzling down the strongest alcohol she could handle, Clare was drop-dead drunk and she couldn't feel worse. She had thought the beers and hard-core liquor would have helped her to escape her nightmare and forget her thoughts, but was horribly mistaken. It only drowned her in her worst regrets and fears. She was so lost in self-hatred that she didn't realize a certain green-eyed man was approaching her spot at the bar.

"My, my, Clare Edwards, what are you doing at a bar?" Eli's voice spoke from behind her. Clare turned around for a second, curious to see the maker of the annoying buzz in her ear.

"What ar-are you dowing herre?" Clare mumbled.

"Adam's new girlfriend works here. I'm supposed to meet them and Fiona here in like half an hour, but I thought I'd get here early." Eli explained a laugh tugging at his lips. "Care to join me at a booth?" Clare unwillingly nodded. She started to get up from the bar stool and tried walking to the table, but the room was spinning and it was hard to keep her balance. She stumbled a bit, and immediately Eli's arms went out to catch her.

"I g-got it!" Clare snapped at him. Eli lifted his hands in surrender.

"I believe you," Eli smirked. Clare staggered forward. As a reflex Eli would hold out his arms every time she teetered, but he would quickly put them down again when Clare groaned in protest.

She, clumsily, made her way to the booth, with a few random mumbles along the way and sat herself down. Eli took the seat opposite her. He couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so-so funny?" Clare snarled

"You. I can't believe you're drunk, never in a million years would I believe that Clare Edwards would be at a bar, drunk out of her mind. But here you are. Its hilariously frightening." Clare normally loved Eli's laugh, but at this point in time all she felt was hate.

"It's all _your _fault." Clare scowled.

"It's my fault your drunk?" Eli tilted his head back and let out the laugh Clare loved so much.

"This all s-started because of you!" She stuttered. Eli, after hearing the venom in her voice, stopped laughing.

"What? What are you talking about? What started?" Eli said, curiosity getting the better of him.

"He hates me because of you!" Clare said, raising her voice.

"James?" Eli said trying to follow Clare's logic.

"He says, he s-says I don't trust him cause-" Eli opened his mouth to question where he came in, but Clare went on.

"-Cause I won't sleep with him!" Clare raised her voice to a point where she was getting a few peoples attention. At first Eli said nothing, but then a scowl formed on his flawless face.

"What an asshole!" Eli was furious. James was the luckiest man in the world. He was marrying Clare Diane Edwards, the most amazing person Eli had ever known. But it seemed that wasn't enough for the greedy bastard, he wanted more. "What a selfish, narcissistic, cocky, twat! What a cunt!" Eli exclaimed, sympathizing with Clare and prattling on about the jerk that stole the love of his life. This, however did not please Clare.

"DON'T YOU DAREW!" Clare screamed. As a result, everyone in the bar turned to her and told her to be quiet, but she didn't listen. "DON'T YOU EVEN S-START! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU-U DON'T GET TO BEE MAD!" Clare yelled even louder in spite. Eli decided it was time to get her out of the bar, away from the now angry people. He stood up and tried to pull her out of her seat but she screamed louder. "DON'T YOOU TOUCH M-ME!"

**AN: How was that? Too confusing? I had three different ways the bar scene went down, and I kinda copy-and-pasted them together so I apologize for any confusing sentences. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! JUST A SIMPLE SMILEY FACE WOULD BE OKAY! PLEASE!**


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